So, ladies, if you’ve landed here some experience or person in your life has brought you to the question: How do I talk dirty to a guy?
More specifically, not just “a guy” but “your guy.”
You might be asking why this is relevant, but the truth is that it is totally relevant, in two specific ways:
- It makes you want to work hard to get your dirty talk just right.
- It might make you feel more embarrassed or that you have more at stake if you “do it wrong.”
The big secret to talking dirty to a guy
So I’ve talked to literally hundreds of guys on the subject of dirty talk for book projects, this website, and I can tell you that if there’s one thing I’ve heard over and over again:
It’s really hard to do it wrong.
Most guys will give you major points just for giving it a shot.
That doesn’t mean you don’t have to try; it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do some research and practice; and it doesn’t mean that you won’t feel butterflies the first time that you try dirty talking to your guy.
But it does mean that you can feel secure in just diving in, and seeing what works for you. Here are some tips to get you started tonight.
How do I talk dirty to a guy?
So you’ve decided to take the plunge and talk dirty to a guy. Here are five questions to answer that can clue you in on where to start. I recommend pulling out a piece of scrap paper and writing down your answers, or key words from you answers.
- Why do you want to talk dirty? Maybe your guy came right out and asked you because he thinks its hot. Maybe you just want to spice things up, because they are feeling a little boring or you’re working hard to make sure they don’t get boring. Maybe you just want to try something new and more assertive to get in touch with your inner sex goddess. Whatever the reason, knowing why you are doing something can help you be more effective.
- What are you afraid of? Do you know what, if anything, might hold you back? It could be that you don’t know where to start. It could be that you had a lot of restrictions put on you as a kid or in earlier relationships about what’s okay and what’s not okay to talk about. It could be that you’re afraid of being embarrassed. Maybe you’re just plain shy. Be as honest as you can about any fears or reservations you’re bringing to the table.
- So what would help you? Maybe you need to look at some examples, just to get ideas of things to say. Perhaps you actually need to go into a locked room by yourself and say the dirtiest things you think of aloud, just to hear yourself say it. If you’re into positive thinking, you might benefit from saying an affirmation like “It’s okay for me to express my sexuality aloud.” Whatever your hang-ups are, write down three things that might help you either get over it, get comfortable, or just get started.
- What does he like? Think visual, think descriptive, think action. Is your guy a butt man? Does he like to be complimented on his moves? Did you have a really amazing encounter on a beach somewhere? Think of some cues that are bound to turn him on, and work in those ideas the first time you try dirty talking (or the next time!). Some guaranteed positive reinforcement can’t hurt.
- Finish the sentence: I would feel comfortable giving this a shot if…… The lights were out. I started small, with just one phrase. I talked to my husband or boyfriend beforehand, and asked him to cut me some slack. However you finish that sentence, will give you a clue as to what steps you need to take in order to really get things rolling.
No matter what concerns or thoughts you might have, learning how to talk dirty to a man isn’t really that difficult. It’s actually more about learning what’s concerning you, and what internal boundaries are holding you back.
For more great ideas on how to go from beginner to professional dirty talker, check out Dirty Dialogue: A Good Girl’s Guide to Being Bad. Author Devian Day gets straight to the heart of issues like confidence, fear, and freezing up. I highly recommend this one as a resource for anyone who is struggling with these issues.
Want to overcome your shyness in the bedroom and become an unforgettable lover? Be sure to visit our Resources page for some hot talking dirty guides!